Talking To Your Family About Your Estate Plan

“The first rule of Fight Club is: You do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: You DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!” Many people think these rules also apply to estate planning. They do not. Once you make an estate plan, you should make a point to talk about it with your loved ones. 

Make the conversation about values.

It may be helpful to frame the conversation you need to have with you loved ones as being about values. It is often easier to talk about your values than it is to talk about money and end of life wishes. You can make clear that you are making plans that reflect your personal values. 

For example, you can explain that you value your family members, and you value education, so you are setting up your plan to cover educational costs. 

You can talk about how you are managing your money in this way too. Are you valuing passing on as much as possible? Or do you expect to spend quite a bit on travel and the best long term care money can buy? You have made a series of choices in order to make your estate plan, so think about some of the choices you made and then explain them to your loved ones. 

If you are passing on a family business, you should have a conversation with your family about how that is going to impact who gets what. The value of the business is not just monetary, but that is not something family members who are not intimately involved with day to day operations of an enterprise always understand. This conversation is an opportunity for you to smooth things over between those who don’t think they are getting their fair share before you are gone. 

These conversations are important from a legal perspective because your loved ones are less likely to challenge an estate plan when they understand how thoughtful you were in making it. But they are also important because they show your loved ones how much you care for them.

Values go beyond the monetary aspects of your plan. 

Thinking about values is also a good way to explain the non-monetary choices you made when creating your estate plan. 
The instructions in your power of attorney documents, both financial and medical, reflect your core values and beliefs. You need to share this information with those you have tapped to make decisions on your behalf should you become incapacitated. 

You also need to share this information with anyone who many feel like they should be able to make decisions on your behalf. Especially if you don’t want them to!

The world’s most uncomfortable conversation. 

Money and death are two of the world’s most uncomfortable topics to talk about, but you owe it to the ones you love to have difficult conversations with them. Focus on values, focus on the fact that you are making things easier on everyone in the long run, and get the awkward over with.